Are you familiar with the law of attraction? How about letting go and letting love? Trusting the Universe to provide exactly what you need and when, which may not be how or when you want it to be. Do you have faith? Trust? Pixie dust?
Most students of spirit are called to their path by a life crisis. Somehow, they end up at a crossroad with a decision to be made. How do I proceed? Is now the right time? How do I know? What if I’m wrong? What if I’m right?! How will I do it? What if I fail? What if I succeed?
So many unknowns. So many possibilities. Sometimes a myriad of choices. Sometimes, only one choice. If I've learned anything, it’s that when faced with a crisis, the only way out, is through.
Choosing to go through the pain, to delve deep and allow yourself to sit fully with it, feel it, truly experience it and learn the lessons it has for you is no easy feat. The logical part of our human brain wants to avoid pain and absolve ourselves of responsibility. It’s quick to seek platitudes and a quick fix. When we do that, we can function, but sometimes we miss the gifts. The opportunities for growth, change and the greater good.
I've had my share of life crisis. Postpartum depression. Miscarriage. Twins (a good crisis!). The death of a child. A contentious divorce. The collateral losses of friends as a result of those two life changing events. A crisis of faith. A spiritual awakening (good!). I have damn good reasons to be bitter, depressed and to cry victim. I could easily blame any number of people and circumstances for my lot in life, but I don’t.
Because it’s not about them. It’s about me. The only person I can control is me. Only I can decide how I will feel, what I will do, say, believe, or own. Nothing happens in isolation. Everything happens for a reason. We have free will. Choices. Karma may be a bitch, but she's all ours.
I have a calling. Well, a few of them. I know without a doubt what they are. The problem has always been, how to make it a reality when the practicalities of life factor in. The bills must be paid. Life needs to be lived. I do not exist in isolation. The unexpected happens, often at the most seemingly inconvenient of times.
Here’s what I know. I want to spend more time with my family. I need to spend more time with my family and they with me. I promised myself after Meghan died, life is too short. My kids would come first. Our lives have gotten so busy we rarely eat together, we don’t do family game night anymore, we are constantly running from one thing to the next. I've had to rely on others to get MY kids to THEIR events. That kills me. It’s difficult to nurture relationships, let alone have me time or couple time with my husband between work and kid responsibilities. Something’s gotta give, and it ain't gonna be my family.
I love to teach. About childbirth, safety, Reiki, energetic anatomy and other spiritual pursuits. I have much to offer other bereaved parents. It’s not work to me. It’s about helping others be better prepared, safer and connected to themselves and a higher vibration. It’s about healing hearts and connecting the dots. I want to do more of it. I've always said if only I could pay my bills with my teaching and speaking pursuits, I’d do it all day, every day, in a heartbeat.
For a long time I've wanted to write. I’m not an English major. My grammar is not perfect. I will need to make friends with an editor or three. Yet I know in my heart I not only want to write, I have to write. There is a higher purpose to it. What do I have to write? Meghan’s story. My story of loss, love, hope and spiritual growth. I have to write about safety. I have information that can help others in similar situations. I have knowledge that can save lives and a compelling way of presenting it. What I have not had is the time to truly realize the dream.
Until now.
Last December, I decided to focus more on my life’s purpose. My calling. I started blogging more. About 6 months ago I made a vision board. For the first time, I put it out there to the Universe. Not what I wanted to do, what I would do this year. I started to focus my energy and intention on the things I wanted as if they had already happened. I fully believed that they would happen. It was time to live the dream. I asked the Universe, God, the angels to guide me and help me truly listen and hear the guidance.
I put my heart out there and wrote about the day Meghan died and my ritual every year on her angel day. It was really meant to be for me and for those who know me to get a glimpse into what it’s like to be me. My blog post went viral. I was blown away. Suddenly, I had offers to guest blog, write freelance pieces on safety and even an unsolicited call from an acquisitions editor for a book offer! I had offers to do radio interviews, cable TV show interviews and to speak on Meghan’s Hope and safety at moms groups and other local venues. Opportunities to teach CPR and safety related classes presented themselves again and the classes filled! With waiting lists!
I was filled with gratitude. Finally, someone was listening to Meggie! The problem was I still had a more than full time job and two needy and active boys. I couldn't keep up. The thing I wanted to do the most (and there was finally interest in) was the thing that I had the least time for and yet the strongest passion and calling to do. I began to focus on manifesting the means by which I could follow my heart and make it happen.
Guidance called me to train to be an angel card reader. Literally, one day, I woke up, knew I had to do it and so I did. Loved it. Reiki called me back. I need to practice. I need to give. Clients started messaging me out of the blue, asking if I was practicing!
The hardest part of it all was knowing I needed to quit my full time job to realize the dream. To manifest what the Universe was throwing at me. The signs were clear. It was time. Do it, woman! The logical, human side of me was of course concerned from a financial standpoint. I meditated on it. I came upon guidance on manifesting abundance. I happened upon a large green aventurine that I swear screamed my name. I purchased it. Cleansed and programmed it for abundance and right timing. I massaged it every day. I see it every day. I affirm the Universe will provide everything I need...
No sooner did I have it on my desk, did clarity of purpose and job opportunities appear. After halfheartedly searching for the ‘perfect solution’ for months, I asked the Universe to lead me to the perfect part-time job. It did. Like the very next day. I interviewed at two places, but knew which one was right from the beginning. Before I even interviewed at the job I wanted, I went about my life as if it was as done deal. I imagined the conversation I would eventually have to have with my boss, complete with this company’s name in the narrative. I wrote when my last day of work at my current job would be and when I would start at the new job, by name, in my calendar! Cocky? No. Positive intention and energy and a dash of intuitive knowing? Hell yes. Guess what. It all verified! :-)
More time with my kids! Time to write that book! More time to teach and speak! Time to manifest the dream!
Wait. It gets better. So I’ll be working part-time. I still need to generate additional income, which I want to do through teaching and speaking engagements. I kid you not, a week ago I received another unsolicited invitation to teach non-credit adult ed courses at a local community college on topics pertaining to safety and spiritual pursuits! All I could do was smile, thank the Universe and marvel at the power of intention and faith. It was on my list of things to pursue, yet they pursued me. Thank you, angels.
Then, I was walking into one of the hospitals I frequented for my now former job this week and ran into a colleague who runs in the childbirth world circles with me. She was dumbfounded at the serendipity because she had *just* made the decision to give up a safety class she teaches there (using my original curriculum) and knew I was the one to take it over for her. She told her supervisor to call me, which apparently she plans to do to offer me the position. I’m waiting to connect with her, to discuss that and adding a CPR class to their curriculum for the community. It’s a full circle thing for me, too, since when I was training to be a childbirth educator, it was that hospital I taught for. I’d been trying to figure out how to offer those classes to this particular community and there it was. She was on my list of people to call. We marveled together at the way the Universe and God work when you let go of the control and simply trust when the time is right, it will happen.
Along the way, amazing webinars started coming my way on writing and speaking. I listened to them. Oh. My. God. I feel like a kid at Christmas! The gifts are amazing!
This morning I sit here with my heart filled with joy and gratitude. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity I now have to fulfill my soul purpose. I have the time and the apparent support of the Universe to follow my heart and write, teach, speak and serve others. I am grateful for the support of my family, friends and colleagues as well as the many people ‘behind the scenes’ that have touched me, guided me and led me to this day and into the future.
If you ask for what you want, specifically. If you believe with every ounce of your being it will happen when the time is right. You will receive. As Peter Pan and the beloved Tinker Bell is famous for saying, all you need is faith, trust and a little bit of pixie dust.
Guess what. I have all three!
I am grateful. I am blessed. I am filled with love and light. I want to share it. I will.
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