I am a failure. Or I'm brilliant! The price of my sanity.

I am a failure as a woman.  No.  I'm a failure as a housewife.  Well, I'm not a wife yet.

Ok, I am a failure at cleaning my house.  There.  I admit it.  Mom, you were right.  I'm a slob.  I hate it.  It kills me.  I used to be able to keep up.  I used to love cleaning.  It's therapeutic!  It's exercise!  That was before.  When I was a SAHM.  When my evenings and weekends were my own.  When life wasn't so crazy over-scheduled.  When the kids were not involved in high level travel sports teams. Things have changed.  I admit, I can't keep up.

I have a decent sized house.  I have two young, active, messy and dirty boys.  I have two long haired indoor cats.  I have an adult male, who is the neatest of them all and a tremendous help.  He wields a fierce vacuum!  We both work full time.  I have something on my agenda every single night and most weekends, more often than not having to do with those two boys.  They are a priority and I wish to support their passions, but I do not wish to live in squalor!  I try desperately to keep up with the laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming.  My amazing fiance helps.  Still, I fail at the bigger picture.  Bathrooms get neglected.  Floors and dusting get ignored.  Clutter builds.  I get more stressed that it's messy and even more stressed that I've no time to deal with it effectively.  I won't even address the state of my yard.  Anyone else feel my pain?

After months of trying and being frustrated that there were just not enough hours in the day for me to clean the house the way I wanted to, after months of build up of dust rhinos and cobwebs and dirt in the tub, I hit the wall.  I cried.  I admitted my failure.  I confronted my guilt.  I looked reality in the eye.  I decided I needed help if I was going to remain sane.  On that particular day, I didn't really care what it would cost, I needed my house deep cleaned. I joined Angie's List. I hired a house cleaning service.  There.  I came clean (no pun intended).

I did this once before.  When I was pregnant with the twins and on house arrest.  I felt so guilty.  I should be able to clean my own damn house!  Then, I had an 'excuse', one that was temporary.  I was so excited when I was able to resume my house cleaning responsibilities with three children!  Then, the boys grew, joined premier soccer teams, I went back to work full time and I have NO free time.  None.  I was trying to clean at 5:30 am before work.  It wasn't working.  I need a solid 8 hours to really clean this house.  I haven't been home for 8 hours in a row during daylight in so long I can't remember!

Today, I am so excited and relieved I hired a professional cleaning service!  All the strife seems so ridiculous now.  They arrived at 10 am.  Four hours later, my house is amazingly clean.  No more dust giants.  No more cobwebs.  The fur is off the ceiling fans!  My floors are washed! I repeat, my floors are washed!  The bathrooms damn near sparkle.  The baseboards are really wood, not gray with dust!  My office is beautiful!  The kids rooms look...nice!

The sense of relief I feel is difficult to describe.  A clean and de-cluttered home is a quiet and de-cluttered mind.  I feel so much more relaxed and centered without having to worry about the cleaning I should/have to do looming over my head.  They accomplished in 4 hours what I have been unable to accomplish in 9 months.  Was it worth the cost?  Believe me, I thought long and hard about it and the answer is unquestionably, yes!  It's inspiring really.  To try to minimize clutter and better organize.

As much as I'd love to have someone clean my house all the time, I cannot swing that financially.  But periodic professional cleaning will help me to remain sane and feel as if I might be able to keep up with the day to day cleaning more easily.  I know I can't do it without their help and not be crazy stressed about the state of my house.

So maybe I'm not so much a failure as a house cleaner.  Perhaps I'm a success as a parent and a wife-to-be and a friend and brilliant because I'm wise enough to realize I can't do it all.  Some things need to be delegated.  There are only so many hours in a day.  There are only so many opportunities to share with your loved ones and I know all too well how those can be gone in a heartbeat.  Yeah, I'll go with brilliant!  Go me!

Now if only I could find someone to cook for me and a personal shopper...Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?