Thursday, October 11, 2012

It's time to loosen up my buttons!

You are singing it, aren't you?  That Pussycat Dolls song.  Admit it.  You thought this post was about my long awaited strip tease!

OK.  Maybe not.  In fact, definitely not.  Sorry if I disappointed you.

It's about the emotional buttons.  You know.  Those 'hot buttons' we all have.  All it takes is a word, a look, an assumption or inference or even just a certain person or their reaction or lack thereof to set us off.  Instantly, our mood can turn on a dime.  The fight or flight response kicks in.

Ever wonder why?

History.  Wiring.  Expectations.  Ego.  Need for control.  Fear.

For whatever reason, the past few days I'm suddenly keenly aware of my buttons because they've been pushed quite a bit.  By many different people in many different circumstances.

Wait.  Let me re-phrase that.  They've been ALLOWED to be pushed by ME.  I chose to let myself react the way I did.  Habit?  Probably.  Hard-wiring because of past experience?  No doubt.  Changeable?  Hell yes.

What I've noticed is my reactions are always the same.  It's almost like I'm programmed.  Certain topics.  Certain people.  Certain situations.  My normally articulate and compassionate self gets all wound up, has word finding problems and ends up clamming up or sounding like a bumbling idiot.  I feel the tension in my body, my heart rate increase and my body gearing up for a 'battle'.  Or, I feel the wind sucked out of my sails, myself sink into quite submission and withdrawal.  Not willing or able to take it any further.

Today, I said out loud to myself in the car, while pondering this, WTF?!

I am in control of my buttons!  Instead of the big red stress inducing angry looking blinky one, I want purple, indigo and silver sparkly ones!  I want to choose to push the button that reminds me to have compassion, forgiveness, empathy and love. I want to choose with my heart center.  I want to embrace my intuition and let go of ego.  I can't control anything really.  I need to learn to be OK with wherever I am and whomever I'm with.  I can be me.  I can express my opinion without judgement, without anger, without letting past experience interfere with the here and now.  I don't need to let it create a negative emotion.  The past doesn't need to interfere with the now.  It got us to now, but it's now over.  Now is all that matters.  Like attracts like.

Epiphany!  Hooray!

Now, of course, to embrace it in practice.  First up, find some indigo, silver and purple sparklies!

What pushes your buttons and why?  Ever try to re-wire them?  What color would you make your buttons?  Maybe we should start a button renovation revolution!!  Who's in?

1 comment:

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