Sunday, December 22, 2013

A visitor from Heaven

December 22.  It's only 3 days before Christmas.  I'm listening to holiday music about to wrap gifts.  Quite a contrast from what I was doing at this time 9 years ago.  That day, I was in church.  It was a Wednesday.  It was the funeral mass for my daughter.

Ave Maria is softly playing now, as it was then.  It nearly instantly just moved me to tears.

The day your child, or any loved one, dies is likely the worst day of your entire life.  I do believe, the day you bury them (or have a memorial service) is the second worst day of your life.  It was for me.

What I enjoy most about this day now is honoring Meg's memory, as we did then.  Through pictures, stories and memories.  For funerals are less about death and more about a celebration of life.  They are for us, the living, the loved ones still here on earth.  She is fine. She is free.  She is pure light and love.  Those of us who loved and miss her are the ones who feel the pain of her loss, not her.

I often find that pictures or music speak louder than words.  A friend made this video for us.  It captures the love so beautifully.  Thus, I ask of you to take 3 minutes and honor my little visitor from Heaven.  The music is by Twila Paris. The song is called "Visitor From Heaven".  It's beautiful.  It sort of says it all.  Let me know what you think.

As the years go by, the pain is less sharp.  The days between December 18th (the day she died) and Christmas are still the worst ones of the entire year, but I am able to mostly function on most of them.  They are all hard, with the ones of significance of course being harder.  Every year on this day I am keenly aware of the significance of the day for myself and my family.  I remember, though in far less detail than you would think, what I did that day and how I felt.  It was so very sad.  So very wrong.  So very wrong to be attending a funeral mass for your own child.  So very wrong to gather with family and friends in the Christmas season to bury a sweet child.  I wrote in greater detail last year about this day.  If you wish to read it you can find it here:  Fly High, Fly Free

Today, it's foggy outside.  Sort of matches my mood...

Yet, I also hold in my heart her essence, her love, her light.  She is part of me and I, part of her. And that transcends death.  She will always live through me, her brothers, her legacy.  Missing her is human.  Loving her is pure spirit.  She is near.  She always will be.


  1. Mom and Megs in all ways connected. Angel to us all. Missing her bet always smile when the Heart cloud goes by.

  2. So beautiful... such a touching song and a beautiful tribute to Meghan, your darling girl. She will live on in your hearts & memories always, and in the wonderful work you do on her behalf. Wishing you peace in these difficult days...

  3. Touching. I again thank you for sharing your story. I just went to my daughters room and kissed her while she slept. tearing silently creeping down my face. I am not sure how you get the courage to share your personal thoughts with us, but I thank you. I started reading last year. After which I bolted my house to itself! And tomorrow I will again check these securities to make sure everything is still tight. Thank you.

  4. I came across your story today for the first time. I would like to think of myself as a neurotic and over protective mom but I am embarrassed to say I didnt have any of our furniture secured until about an hour ago. Your story moved me to tears- heart wrenching, full on weeping. It also inspired me to secure our furniture, and I am so grateful to you for sharing your story. Your courage is remarkable and I can not thank you enough for what you have done. I have shared your story all day today and I will not stop. I will keep the memory of your precious angel alive and tell everyone I know about her. I really can not put into words how sorry I am. I am so saddened but with my heavy heart I will try to encourage others to make some changes in their homes. I am so grateful to you and look forward to reading your blog and book! Thank you thank you.
    Christen Dickerson