What does it take to be a safety superhero?

Did you ever wonder what it was like to be a superhero?  Or what it's like to have a superpower?

Did you ever wonder what it takes to be a superhero?  Are they born that way?  Do they choose to be a hero?  Does someone else bestow the title on them based on merit of some kind?  

I have just had the honor of attending and presenting at the Safe Kids Worldwide Injury Prevention Conference, otherwise known as PREVCON, at the Gaylord National Resort and Conference Center in Washington, DC.  Their theme is “Where safety heroes meet.”  All of their marketing materials had a comic book feel to them with the theme of safety hero carried throughout the conference. 

I’ve been familiar with Safe Kids for some time.  I was unaware of how the organization really worked and how far reaching their programs and initiatives are, how involved they are, and just how passionate their members are about preventing childhood injury and death.   These people eat, sleep, breathe and work tirelessly to keep YOUR kids and grandkids safer.  I spent the past 3 days with my kind of “people.”  There were 500 safety geeks, all enthusiastically sharing ideas, experiences, and brainstorming ways to keep kids safer. They came quite literally from all over the world to do so!

First, you should know, that preventable accidents are the #1 cause of injury and death to children in the U.S. and around the world.  Over a million children every year die from a preventable accident worldwide. This is why we are all so passionate about education and prevention.  I heard over and over and over how everyone will work tirelessly until those numbers all reach zero. 

I thought you might like to know what happens when safety geeks gather, so here's a sneak peek. 

I arrived on Wednesday.  When I picked up my registration packet, there was a Safe Kids reusable bag with all sorts of literature and swag in it from Safe Kids and their sponsors and partners.  All child safety related, of course.  I checked into my room and went through my swag.  When I pulled out the Sanus TV strap, given to every registrant, I smiled and tears filled my eyes.  THANK YOU SANUS!  Best.  Swag.  Ever.  You can bet I told them so when I saw them in the exhibit hall the next day! 

The next thing I did, which I do in every hotel, is check to see if the dresser or TV is secured.  They were not.  Disappointing but not surprising. The flat screen had a wide base, but I was able to pretty easily cause it to tip forward.  We have a lot of work to do…

At 3 pm, I met with a representative from Nationwide Insurance, whom I have partnered with on their Make Safe Happen campaign.  We talked about the campaign, safety, and ideas for the future.  I also had the chance to talk with the other marketing reps in the exhibit hall.   All who enthusiastically thanked me for my willingness to share my story and participate in their program.  We all said good-bye with a hug.   

That evening, we were bused to Capitol Hill for a reception at a U. S. House of Representatives building in the Canon Caucus Room.   There, safety heroes had the opportunity not only to connect and network with each other, but to mingle with some of our U.S. House and Senate members and their staff.  Safe Kids works hard to legislate changes in laws to keep kids safer.   

Two Champion in Child Safety awards were given.  One was given to Senator Sherrod Brown of Ohio, for his work and support of legislation to prevent SIDS as well as his work on other consumer safety issues.  The other award was given to the First Lady of Georgia, Sandra Deal, for her work on heat stroke prevention and other child safety issues.  I had the opportunity to meet her before her award was presented.  We had a nice chat in the buffet line during which she asked about Meghan’s Hope (my name tag had the name of your organization and where you were from).  I told her the story and what I did to raise awareness.  During her acceptance speech, she happened to mention she talked to someone here who lost her daughter to a furniture tip-over and how these preventable accidents should not be happening.  I did not tear up telling her my story, but I did hearing her mention it.  It’s odd how that happens.  Grief is funny that way.

Thursday, the conference began.  It was two full days of information packed plenaries and breakout sessions, poster presentations, and fantastic exhibitors with innovative child safety products, with a good dose of fun and socialization and networking built in. 

From 7 am to 5:30 pm both days, I attended sessions, visited the exhibit hall, networked, and made amazing connections, including with SANUS, CEA, Dorel (Safety 1st), and JPMA as well as the Massachusetts Safe Kids Coalition leader.  I learned so much that I didn’t know, and had the opportunity to educate others, too.   Topics that day covered a wide variety of safety subjects including pedestrian safety, sports safety, bike and ATV safety, car seat safety,  product and toy safety, fundraising, planning safety events, safe sleep, advocacy, and research, and that was just the morning! 

The lunch plenary was a conversation with Dana Points, Editor in Chief of Parents Magazine and she provided amazing insights to our target audience, which is of course, parents of young children.  The afternoon sessions included keeping kids safe in and around cars, communication resources, fire and burn safety, impacts of legal marijuana, forming corporate partnerships, as well as another plenary on sports safety. 

That evening was unscheduled, so I took some time to walk around the harbor and sit and quietly watch the sun set as the sky changed colors.  I even saw a few heart clouds!

Friday brought another amazing  but long and information packed day.  The morning plenary was a conversation with National Leaders including the Administrator of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, the Director of Injury Prevention and Control at the CDC, and The Chairman of the Consumer Product Safety Commission.   It was an insightful glimpse into the work that our government agencies do and the challenges they face in their role in keeping kids safer. 

I waited after that session to have a chance to speak to the Chair of the CPSC.  The Communications Director was also there, who I have corresponded with in the past, and as I began to introduce myself to him, he made it clear he already knew who I was, and greeted me with a hug, as did the Chairman when he was free.  I was touched they not only recognized who I was, but took the time to talk with me and brainstorm for a few minutes about what else we could do, together, to make furniture safer for kids.   They thanked me for my courage and willingness to share my story in the way I do.  ( I have more to say later on the topic of courage)

Immediately following, there was a press conference outside on the dangers of leaving kids in hot cars.  It was National Heatstroke Awareness Day.  I attended the press conference where several speakers including Safe Kids CEO and President Kate Carr and the NHTSA Administrator, addressed the issue of kids being accidentally left in cars and succumbing to heatstroke and how it can be prevented.  

A dad who lost his daughter to heat stroke when he was out of his routine and forgot to drop her off at daycare after a doctor’s appointment shared his story.  Then, they did a re-enactment of a rescue of a child from a hot car by playing an actual 911 call from a bystander at a shopping center and having the fire and EMS actually respond and demonstrate how they get a child out of the car and whisk them away to the hospital.  They did not actually break the car window (a new car was provided by a dealership for the demo) but made it clear if the doors are locked, they break a window to gain access as fast as possible.  All I could think of while watching it, was how huge of a trigger that must have been for that father, and I sure as heck hope someone warned him it was going to happen!  I wanted to talk to him afterwards, but he was mobbed by the media. 

The rest of the day included sessions on booster seat safety, medication safety, sports policy, new ideas for injury prevention, drowning prevention, road safety, home visits and home safety, social media, safety for kids with special needs, and innovative injury prevention and partnerships (this was the session I presented at).

For the session I presented at, I was one of 4 speakers.  I only had about 15 minutes, so I briefly educated the attendees about the way I teach, by presenting to them in the same way.  Which is with compassion, from the heart, with raw emotion, a dose of humor, and a harsh dose of reality. Honestly, it's the only way I know how.  It's just my personality!  I told Meghan’s story, I explained how I teach, what I teach, and what the challenges are, including the creative ways I’ve discovered to engage parents and get them to take action to prevent tip-overs.  I explained the benefit of partnerships and how hard it is to do all of this as a grassroots one woman organization.  I asked for their help, and many offered support.

I did not get through all my slides, nor did I expect to (that was part of the humor), but they will have them for reference.  I was touched that when I showed her photo, there was a collective “awwww” from the audience (she was awfully cute!), and when I showed her dresser, a few audible gasps.  The energy in the room was palpable in how it shifted just in the first two slides.  They were engaged.  They laughed with me.  They almost cried when I almost cried.  They applauded enthusiastically when I finished.  I received many questions at the end, more about how I do it, tips for encouraging other families to share their stories, and a few about the grief process and how they can help other parents in similar situations.  Others simply approached me to thank me, after the presentation and throughout the afternoon as they saw me at the other sessions.  I guess it went okay...

From there it was the Safe Kids Awards luncheon, where I sat by invitation, with the moderator of my session and the Assistant Director of the Children’s Safety Network.  We had a lovely conversation and she provided some great ideas and resources for me.

The afternoon sessions included how to launch a campaign, establish a peer to peer program for youth road safety, ways to extend your reach, and working in multilingual communities. 

That evening there was a fun BBQ on the pier event (the hotel is on the Potomac at the National Harbor).  There was great food, dancing, and conversation and Mother Nature provided a lovely sunset once again.  In fact, I sat with a woman from New Orleans and we had an amazing two hour conversation that began about safety but evolved into talking about death and dying in children and in general and how to help parents cope with impending and eventual death of their child, as she works in palliative care in a children’s hospital.  We could have talked all night!  It never ceases to amaze me how the Universe put me next to all the right people at the right time, whether I had something to offer them, they do me, or us to each other.  Absolutely amazing!

Oh, and just so you know, I just happened to look out the window here at the hotel as I am typing, and there was a heart cloud.  Made me cry.  I’ve gotten a lot of love from above in the form of hearts the past few days.  It’s as if Meggie is saying I am in the right place and she approves.  And those words just made me cry harder.  You know, underneath all this, I’m still a bereaved parent…

So, back to what makes a superhero?  Well, I guess I should be more specific.  What makes a safety hero? 

Anyone who has a desire to educate parents about a particular (or many) dangers to kids and who is invested in helping keep kids free from accidental injury and death is a safety hero.  In my eyes, if you share Meggie’s story, you are a safety hero.  You might have saved a life by doing so!  Heroes save lives, right?  They teach others about right and wrong.  They inspire those around them to do the right thing.

I hope I’ve inspired a few folks with Meggie’s story to make their homes safer by securing their furniture and TV’s.

What will your safety hero outfit be?  Mine is a cape and a tiara, of course!

We need to talk...

I've spent the better part of the last several weeks writing.  Blog posts, Facebook posts, and Twitter posts on multiple sites and pages I manage.  I've also spent a good deal of time reading and commenting on the posts of others.  This post and it's subject matter have been swimming in my head for several weeks.

The crux of it is, we need to talk.  There needs to be a conversation that not only starts, but continues. It's already started, but the focus is not where it needs to be.  Perhaps I can help shift to focus to where it should be.  Where it needs to be.

The Conversation
Most of the conversation the past few weeks has revolved around two things.  Child Safety and kids dying.  Two things I am clearly passionate about, and for me, have been part of my conversations for the past ten years.  It wasn't my choice to have these passions.  It was born of circumstance. Circumstances that are now part of the fabric of who I am, what I do, and why I write.

Oddly, it seems many people don't understand how these two things go together.  Or, perhaps more accurately, they do understand, but they don't want to think about it.  They don't want it thrown in their face. Especially at a time when they are having a good time, gathered with friends and family, and expecting to be entertained by both by the people around them and what they are watching on TV.

Yes, I'm referring to the Superbowl and the highly controversial Nationwide ad for Make Safe Happen.  I've written about it before and you can refer to that post for my feelings on the ad itself.

Having read many comments on many social media, news, and blog sites, I am saddened.  Not just because so many people did not *get* the message, but the actual reason they did not get the message or outright refused to get the message, even when it was explained to them.  DEATH SCARES THE S*IT OUT OF PEOPLE.  Especially when it's about kids.

Death:  Don't Wanna Even...
Am I wrong?  Does the thought of a loved one dying, especially suddenly and unexpectedly, scare the pants off you?  You don't want to think about it do you?  You certainly don't want to think about what it would be like to get that phone call, that visit to your door from an officer, or the doctor and the social worker at the door of your loved one's hospital room.  So many people refuse to create wills, health care proxies or power of attorney documents because they just don't want to think about death. Or think they can put it off until "later" and then, when death comes, later turns out to be tomorrow...

You fear your spouse having a heart attack or being in a fatal car accident.  You know your loved one with cancer is fighting for their life but you don't want to consider they might not win, even if they have. You absolutely don't want to ever have to go to a child's wake or funeral because it's just too hard to even think about, let alone have it be for YOUR CHILD.

So what do you do instead?  You get pissed off when someone else confronts you with it.  Especially if they confront you with it out of nowhere, when you were not expecting it.  Even worse, if it's a time when you are gathered with friends and family in celebration.

Guess what.  That's the point.  That's what it's like for thousands of people every single day.  Their perfectly happy lives are shattered when a loved one suddenly and unexpectedly dies.  Death, like that ad, doesn't come when you are "ready" for it. It does not always come with a warning.  It comes when it damn well pleases.  Sometimes you can prepare for it, sometimes you cannot. Sometimes there are things you can do to prevent it, sometimes there are not. There is no good time for a loved one to die. None.

There was no better time to air that Nationwide ad.  Why?  A huge audience, full of parents.  Who is their target audience?  Parents.  What was their goal?  Education and yes, maybe even shock value. They wanted to get your attention, and they did.  The message, preventable accidents are the # 1 cause of death to children and a kid can die just this fast, and when they do, this is how it feels.  Don't like it?  MAKE SAFE HAPPEN.  It was that simple.

Misplaced Emotions or No Idea What to do with Them?
Of course people got pissed off.  How dare Nationwide make me confront a subject I'm not comfortable with?  How dare they do it when *I* am having a good time?  How dare they not warn me they were going to "kill" my Superbowl buzz by killing a kid?  They (you?) didn't want their happy family and friends feel good party "ruined."  I get it.

Neither did I.  On December 18th, 2004 I was supposed to be wrapping Christmas gifts and making cookies and crafts with my kids.  Instead, I woke up to find my daughter crushed beneath her dresser. I spent half the day at hospitals.  I came home with a box of her hand and foot prints and a lock of her hair. And overwhelming guilt. She went to the morgue. I didn't want Christmas ruined in 2004 (and for the rest of my life) when instead, I had to bury my daughter who died from a preventable tip-over accident 3 days before Christmas.  I COULD HAVE PREVENTED HER DEATH!

Your Superbowl party might have been brought down by a commercial.  My entire life came crashing down around me when my daughter died from a preventable accident.  One I could have prevented, had I known of the danger.  Had I believed the danger.  Had I known the statistics.  If only... Their goal was to educate you so you don't ever have to know what it's like to be me. Get it?  That ad, might have saved my daughter's life if I'd seen it ten years ago.

Despite my pain, despite the trigger, I loved the ad.  Why?  IT CAN SAVE LIVES!  It can prevent you from ever having to feel the pain I do.  The pain millions of parents feel every year.  The pain of losing a child to something you could have prevented. I already live with the pain of losing a child. An ad is not going to change that. If only it were that easy...

So I'm sorry your SuperBowl viewing experience was ruined for a few minutes.  Really.  But guess what?  You then went back to your eating, drinking, laughing, and regularly scheduled life.  My "regular" life is nothing like it was supposed to be.  I'm sorry, but get over it.

Must Know Info: Grief is a Journey and it Lasts a Lifetime
You know, it's also interesting to me how many bereaved parents were outraged.  They slammed Nationwide for being insensitive to bereaved parents.  That bereaved parents were triggered by the commercial and it should not have been shown during the Superbowl.  That showing an ad that depicted a child dying was in poor taste. They were angry they were watching with the bereaved siblings of the child that died, and they siblings may have also been upset by the trigger.  Or fellow bereaved family members who took offense to their escapist Superbowl viewing being hijacked by a commercial that reminded them of their loss.

Look, I get it. I am a bereaved parent.  I know the spot was a trigger.  I know it blindsided people whether they had ever lost a child or not.  Grief is forever.  Triggers happen.  They suck.  I hate them as much as the next person.  I knew what was coming and I still cried when it aired. It was powerful and compelling. Nationwide did not deliberately try to upset bereaved parents.  Parents who did not lose a child to a preventable accident may have also missed the point of the ad, because of their own grief.  That's understandable. Would there have been a "good" or "better" time to air that ad?  If it triggered you then, it would have triggered you whenever you happened to see it.  Perhaps you'd have been less likely to see it if it were not aired during the Superbowl.

Many of us prefer to be alone in our grief, or when triggered unexpectedly, but what about the benefit of having the support of others in our grief?  What about taking advantage of having friends and family around to support each other, have a conversation, and help us work through our grief? Especially when something like this happens?  That was the gift inside of this commercial for families who are bereaved for any reason, but especially the loss of a child.  The opportunity to start or continue the conversation about death and grief. Of course if your loss was recent, this is often harder to do and I am sensitive to that.  Really, I am.

Even if you had not ever lost a child, if you didn't like the ad during the Superbowl, you would not have liked it any better during your favorite reality, sitcom, or drama show, either.

The Truth
Let's be real and honest here. Your objection to the ad was not *really* that it aired during the Superbowl. It was that it involved the death of a child and it made you uncomfortable.  That discomfort was likely amplified by the fact you were probably in a social environment, and with other people who were equally uncomfortable with a serious subject like the death of a child.  You probably did not have much experience discussing death and/or are uncomfortable with it, or even if you did, you might have felt peer pressure to go along with the crowd and their reaction.  Chances are you stuffed whatever emotion the ad dredged up in you, or, impulsively blamed Nationwide for YOUR discomfort with the death of a child (and likely completely missing the point of the ad), and went back to the party and the game.

I was watching with my two sons, who are obviously bereaved siblings.  We talked about it right after it aired.  They were not upset by it.  They *got* it.  Once they understood the reason the ad was made that way, and what it was really about, they were able to see the benefit.  They were proud their sister is helping to save lives through Meghan's Hope and my involvement with the Nationwide Make Safe Happen campaign.

Why were my kids not upset?  Probably largely because we *do* talk about death in this house.  We talk about how Meggie died, why she died, and what we can do to prevent it from happening to others. I don't shelter them from death, I never have and I never will.  Even when they were 3 and 6 the day she died, they were involved in all of it in an age-appropriate way. We are an open, honest, real family. We talk about triggers and that it can be upsetting when things remind us of her and the way she died. We talked about how others might not feel the same way we do and why.  I want my kids to understand and be comfortable talking about death.

While talking about triggers, what about the 911 ad?  How do you think victims of domestic violence felt about that ad?  Don't you think it was a trigger for them?  What about people who lost children to cancers or other illness and their reaction to the St. Jude commercial?  What about alcoholics and people who lost loved ones to drunk driving and all the beer commercials?  Triggers can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime and for any reason. Yes, for those who have lost a loved one and especially a child they may be more intense, but there are other kinds of losses that cause just as strong of a grief reaction.

To a point, we can only relate to what we know and what we believe to be true.  When it comes to grief, everyone does it differently.  Everyone brings to any discussion their personal, cultural, religious and spiritual beliefs along with their personal life experience.

The Power of Choice 
Yet we always have a choice.  We can choose to be pissed off and self-absorbed about our personal feelings about anything, in this case the Nationwide ad, and the fact they used a child that died from a preventable accident to educate parents that preventable accidents are the #1 cause of death to children. That their kids could be at risk.  Really. Not someone else's kids. THEIR kids.

Nationwide made it real. Reality, when it involves death, makes most of us uncomfortable.

Instead of getting the message.  Instead of going to the makesafehappen website or checking out the app to see what it was all about, people lashed out against Nationwide for "killing a kid during the Superbowl."  They chose to place blame on Nationwide for how it made them feel.  Nationwide did not "make" you feel or do anything.  That's all you.  They created an emotional, compelling, PSA. How you chose to react to it was all you. Really, we need to start owning our feelings, understanding them, and stop blaming others, no matter what it is we feel. The only person responsible for how you feel is you.

Let me say that again.  The only person responsible for how you feel is you.

I propose it was much less about how people felt about the commercial itself and a whole lot more about how death-averse we are as a society.  People missed both messages embedded in that commercial.  In doing so, they missed both an opportunity to learn more about preventable accidents and making kids safer and they missed the opportunity to have a real, honest, and important conversation about death, dying, and grief.

The Conversation Begging to be Had
Here is the thing.  Death is part of life.  We are all going to die.  We all know that, but no one seems to want to actually acknowledge it until they have no choice.  Yes, we would love to believe that we will all live long, happy, healthy and full lives and die of old age when we are damn good and ready to.

Except life doesn't always work that way.

People die.  Some after living long, fulfilling, wonderful lives. Some before they are born.  Some die of horrible diseases they did not ask for or deserve. Some die in car accidents or plane crashes that were no fault of their own.  Some will have a heart attack or stroke with no risk factors or warning signs.  Some die trying to save the lives of others like the members of our armed forces or first responders.  Some are horribly murdered.  Some commit suicide.  Some die in an accident that may have been preventable.  Sometimes the victims of these accidents are kids.

There is never a good time to lose someone we love.  When kids die, it hits us especially hard.  Even if we don't know them. Why?  Kids are not supposed to die. Certainly not before their parents.  Of course not everything that takes the life of a child can be prevented.  But many accidents can be prevented. Why would you not want to do everything you can to protect children so they have every opportunity to live long, happy, and healthy lives?

Nationwide started a conversation.  They want to educate people that accidents are the #1 cause of death to children.  They want to teach parents and those who care for children what the dangers are and how to make their homes and their children safer.  It's that simple.  It's that important.  They provided a wonderful resource and information in the Make Safe Happen website and app.  They want to save the lives of children.

I want to take it one step further.  Let's also let it be a catalyst for talking about death, dying, and grief.  Let's learn how to support others who have lost someone they love.  Let's learn how to support someone who is dying and those who love them.  Let's talk to our families about what would be important to us when we are facing the end of life or after we die.  I've tried to start this conversation, at least with regard to understanding and supporting bereaved parents, with my book Out of the Darkness.  

What you can do
I ask of you two things.

First, If you've not yet done so, please visit the Make Safe Happen Website and download the app or, if you don't have young children in your life, share it with someone who does.

Second, make a date on your calendar to talk to your spouse, significant other, children, family members and/or friends about what would be important to you if you were dying.  What you'd want after you die for services.  Create a health care proxy, power of attorney, and will if you've not done so already.  Don't wait for a health crisis, or for when you get older, or allow it to be put off over and over again.  Do it now.  It will make everything so much easier when death does come knocking for everyone involved.

Be the change.

Thank you.

Meghan’s Hope and Nationwide are partners in the Make Safe Happen campaign. While all opinions expressed here are my own, I have received compensation from Nationwide for promotion of their Make Safe Happen campaign materially or financially.

The Nationwide SuperBowl Ad was a Wake-up Call. Are you Going to Answer it?

I’m sitting on the couch right now, snuggled up with my cat and my son.  I’m watching the snow fall outside.  Blanketing the ground in peaceful, pure, white snow.  You know what I’m thinking?  I’m wishing his twin sister was sitting here with us.  But she’s not.  You know why?  Because she died from a preventable accident ten years ago, when she was three.  I buried her three days before Christmas because I didn't know or even believe a small dresser like hers could fall and kill her.  But it did.  Had I known the dangers and how to prevent it, she might be sitting her with us today. 

Yes, I've lost a child to a preventable accident.  Yes, the Nationwide ad made me cry.  Yes, it was a “buzzkill”.  It was probably a huge trigger to bereaved parents, especially those who have lost young children, especially those who lost children to an accident.  Anything that reminds a bereaved parent of their pain is.  It blindsided people, on purpose.  That’s exactly what happens when a child dies from a preventable accident, too.  One minute your child is fine and then, without warning, they are dead.  Trust me, I know.  It happened to at least one parent while they were watching the SuperBowl yesterday. 

The Nationwide SuperBowl ad was also brilliant.  Why? It was raw, real, honest, and absolute truth. It was creative and emotional. It started a conversation.  One no one wants to have.  Yet it’s one everyone should have.  One everyone needs to have. It hit at the fear of every parent; that their child could die.  It made millions of people aware not only that preventable accidents are the #1 cause of death to children, but gave them a place to find information so they can prevent those accidents and protect their children.

In the time that commercial aired, at least one child died from a preventable accident.  That's 60 children that die every single hour!  In the time it took you to watch the entire SuperBowl, At least 12 children (3 every hour) were victims of a furniture or TV tip-over alone!  At least 240 children died around the world from accidents that could have been prevented!  All while millions "escaped" their problems and watched a game on TV.  Many were upset their good time was interrupted by such a dark and depressing ad.  Really.  They were upset Nationwide was trying to save the lives of children by using the largest audience of the year on National television.  

Were you among the people who took offense to the ad?  Why? 

Because it was “inappropriate”?  Do you not find the blatant promotion of alcohol, sex, and violence on TV and advertised during the SuperBowl  also inappropriate? 

Because it was a “downer?”  Because it made you sad or cry? Because it was about an adorable child that died and that made you uncomfortable?  A child just like mine, or perhaps, just like yours?

Because you had to explain to your children why that child died?  Have they ever watched a Disney movie?  Did you not see the teachable moment there to explain that going into water alone, playing in front of a TV, or eating things that are not food could be dangerous or even deadly?  Death is everywhere, it happens to everyone - eventually, and that conversation needs to happen.  No one is invincible. Were you upset because it made you afraid something could happen to your child?  Don't get mad, get smart.  Be pro-active.

Did the ad stir up some sort of emotion in you? Good. That was the point.  To get your attention.  To make you stop and think.  To educate you. 

People need to get their heads out of the sand!  Ignorance is not bliss. Nor does it protect anyone! Preventable accidents happen for two reasons, either because parents don’t know of the dangers, or worse, they do know and don’t believe that “it” can happen to their child, so they do nothing to prevent those accidents.  It can happen to your child.  It doesn't matter what "it" is, who you are, where you live, or how good of a parent you think you are. No one is immune.  No one.

Accidents happen, but they are ALL preventable.  Why wouldn't you want to do everything you can to prevent them and to protect your child?  If you already have, thank you. This ad was aimed at those who don’t know or don’t believe their child could be at risk.   Unfortunately, a recent study revealed that most parents think they are doing everything they can to make their homes safe, yet they are still unaware of many of the very things that are killing children in the home like tip-overs, strangulation, drowning, and poisoning, all of which can be easily prevented.

Are you angry that the ad hit you in the gut?  Perhaps you had that pissed off feeling that the ad “ruined” the warm, fuzzy, and funny SuperBowl commercial experience for you?  It killed your feel-good buzz? Think about this: that’s how it feels to bury a child who died from a preventable accident, only a thousand times worse, and then you have to carry that pain with you for the rest of your life. 240 parents had that feeling too while you watched the Superbowl, only it was because their kids actually did die from a preventable accident.  

Lucky for you, your warm fuzzies returned with the next ads. You complained about it, perhaps tweeted your disgust and went back to your regular life. For parents who have lost their children to a preventable accident, nothing is ever the same again.  Nothing.  

Think about that.  Imagine for a moment what it might be like if your child unexpectedly died today.  Now think about how you’d feel if you could have prevented it. Do you get it now?  

It’s not surprising the ad had so many negative reviews and comments.  It brought up a subject no one ever wants to talk about – death to children.  I can assure you that no parent that lost their child for ANY reason ever thought it would happen to them.  I sure as hell didn't.  Yet if any of us could have had information that might have saved our child’s life, we’d have given anything to know how we could have prevented our child’s death BEFORE they died!

Nationwide’s ad didn't stop with the message that preventable accidents are the #1 cause of death to children.  It began there. They have also created a free website at www.makesafehappen.com and a free interactive app for both IOS and Android so parents can learn about these accidents and how to prevent them. 

  

Unfortunately, far too many people missed this valuable information.  Why?  Because thousands of people used the emotion the ad stirred up in them and jumped to a conclusion without having all the facts, without actually visiting the www.makesafehappen.com  website.  They may have been so shocked by the message of the ad that they did not see the link to the website at the end of the ad. They assumed because Nationwide is an insurance company that they were trying to use the preventable death of children to sell insurance!  Nothing could be further from the truth.  It does however speak to a different social problem we have, the one where misunderstandings are taken as truth and facts are not checked.  Shame on those who were reactive and formed an opinion before having the facts.

Think about this.  Had that ad been sponsored by Safe Kids or Meghan’s Hope, anyone other than Nationwide, would you have come to a different conclusion?  Would you have been more likely to go to the website and pay attention to the message of the ad?  I’m curious. 

Nationwide has a long history of advocating for child safety.  In fact they published a brochure on child safety in 1954 titled “Your Child’s Safety.” They have a 60-year partnership with Nationwide Children’s Hospital.  They have partnered with Safe Kids Worldwide on the Make Safe Happen Campaign as well as with other child safety advocates like myself and Meghan’s Hope.   There is a longer PSA about Make Safe Happen.  It was too long for the SuperBowl, but it explains the program in greater depth.   I encourage you to watch it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JoELI1h7nM

Do you want to learn what hazards may lurk in your home and how to prevent them from injuring or killing your child? Then go to www.makesafehappen.com and educate yourself.  Download the app. Let's Make Safe Happen.

Maybe if everyone does, every child will be able to get cooties, learn to fly, and get married.  I sure as hell wish my Meggie could have…

Disclaimer: Meghan’s Hope and Nationwide are partners in the Make Safe Happen campaign.  While all opinions expressed here are my own, I have received compensation from Nationwide for promotion of their Make Safe Happen campaign materially or financially.

A viral epidemic affecting parents everywhere. You might have it and not even know!

There is a rampant viral illness out there and it affects millions of parents every day.  Most of them don't even know they have it!  There is a good chance, if you are a parent, you have it.  The symptoms are few and subtle, but very, very dangerous.  In fact, it can be deadly.

Unlike most viral illnesses and progressive diseases, this one is very unpredictable.  It's a powerful illness that doesn't affect the physical body of the parent, but is a mental illness of sorts.  It rarely has physical effects on the parent.  It instead, directly vectors to their children.  Their children suffer the horrible effects of this disease.  Yes.  Their children.

What is this viral illness infecting the brains of parents everywhere?  It's called 'Perfect Parentitis' known to those who have been successfully treated for it as the 'it can't happen to me (or my child') disease'.

Symptoms include the following:

1. A misguided belief that bad things only happen to other people or 'bad' parents.  That 'it' can't or won't happen to you or your child.  Otherwise knows as self-proclaimed immunity.
2. A belief that you are a 'perfect' or 'good' parent, therefore none of those horrific tragedies you hear or read about could ever possibly happen to your child.
3. An almost uncontrollable desire to preach your perfect parenting to anyone who will listen, usually by judging parents whose children have been injured or killed in horribly tragic but preventable accidents.  Often on social media sites where a news story has been shared in an attempt to educate others so that particular type of tragedy doesn't happen to another child.
4. Self-righteous judgement of others for their 'bad' parenting, followed by a lengthy explanation of how you are a good parent because that would never happen to you, usually with the words, "I would never ___________."
5. The repeated use of mantras like these, often proclaimed on social media with sanctimonious conviction (which are also impossibilities in reality):  "I'm always with my child", "I don't need to _____, because I'm always right there", "MY child never does __________ so I don't have to ______",  "My child knows not to do___________", "I don't understand how ___________, could happen.  I'd never __________", "I'm a good driver".  And many, many more like these.

There is only one cure.  Unlike other diseases and illnesses, it's a cure no one actually wants to get. The only known cure is the serious injury or death of your child.

Yes.  You read that right.  The only known cure is that the very thing you pride yourself on, your perfect parenting, your 'I never would do_________' and "That would never happen to me because..." preaching.  Your parenting superiority complex is only cured when YOUR child, the one that you never let out of your sight, the one that you love SO much that you'd never forget them, take your eyes off of them, lose them, or whatever it is that you do so perfectly that other 'bad' parents simply don't do, falls victim to an accident.

If you are lucky, your child won't suffer a serious injury. Some have the most deadly form of the virus, and they pay for it with their child's life.

Luckily, there is treatment.  It's called education.

It's a long term treatment plan that includes ongoing follow up treatment of pro-active accident prevention in and around your home for the safety of your children.  This education is often provided by good parents who have lost their child to a horrible, tragic, preventable accident.  Parents who carry such guilt and pain over the loss of their child that they share their story, they bare their soul, they lay it all out there, so that YOUR CHILD CAN BE SAFE.  So you don't have to bury your child, ever. Parents like me.

If your child is lucky, once you realize you suffer from perfect parentitis, you'll seek immediate treatment.  You will come down off your high horse of parenting superiority and realize it's impossible to be with your child every single second. That parenting is not 'easy'.  You'll realize that ignorance is NOT bliss.  You will realize that while you can't protect your child from everything, there are many, simple, inexpensive things you can do to make your home, car, play spaces and environment safer for your children.  You learn that spending money on things that make your child safer is money much better spent than on that daily specialty coffee drink.  You learn that things that inconvenience you are worth it when the potential consequence is the injury or loss of your child.  You learn to admit you don't know everything and need to seek to learn that which you don't know.

Instead of pointing the finger at others and choosing to believe their child was injured or killed as a result of their ignorance or 'bad' parenting (and berating them for it), you will realize you are just like them.  That 'it' could happen to your child, too.  You will realize that the very thing which you are criticizing them for, *could* happen to you or your child, too.

Because you love your children as much as the next parent, and yes, as much as the parent who didn't know about the danger or made a horrible, tragic, mistake that led to the injury or death of their child, you will take action to prevent these type of accidents to your child.  You will learn from the horrible mistakes and tragedies of others.  You will take their advice and change the way you do things.  You will seek further education.  You will desire to make your child's environment as safe as you can because actions speak louder than words.  They also work a hell of a lot better at keeping kids safe.

So where can you find this treatment?

1. Take a parenting or child safety class
2. Hire a professional childproofer.  Child proofing is WAY more than outlet plugs and cabinet latches.  They will point out dangers you didn't even know existed and provide solutions.  Check out the International Association for Child Safety. 
3. Learn CPR and First Aid.  Make sure everyone who cares for your child knows how to do CPR and basic first aid.  Have a first aid kit in your home and car. 
4. Take time to explore Web sites like Safe Kids, the CPSC, and Meghan's Hope and the Meghan's Hope Facebook Page.  Educate yourself and everyone who cares for your child.

Remember, treatment is not curative.  It's lifelong.  As you learn of new dangers and new safety recommendations and options, you must apply them.  Reading about childproofing is not the same as actually taking the time to fully child proof.  Thinking you *know* to check the back seat of the car before you get out every time does not mean you won't forget one day.

For example, securing only the dresser in your child's bedroom does not protect them from the danger of falling furniture.  You must secure ALL furniture and ALL TV's.  Or moving a child to a belt positioning or regular booster seat before they are tall enough and cognitively mature enough to sit upright, with the shoulder belt in the appropriate place, ALL the time, either because they want to get out of the car seat with a 5 point harness or because you *think* they will be 'fine', is dancing with danger.  It's all fine.  Until you get hit by another car and your child is ejected because they were in a seat that did not fulfill it's purpose, all because it was 'easier' for you and your child.  Do you want to live with that?  

A word on 'bad' parents

Are there 'bad' parents?  Yes.  Absolutely.  But they are few and far between.  Bad parents intentionally and willfully neglect or abuse their children.  

The vast majority of parents whose children die in tragic accidents are not bad parents.  They are good parents who are uneducated about certain dangers or dangerously disbelieving about the severity of the risk of the danger to their child.  They may have had perfect parentitis. They didn't believe 'it' could happen to them.  They might have been overprotective and vigilant and not even have known about 'it' until it happened to them.  They did not willfully or intentionally try to hurt their child. In fact, they often *thought* they had done everything right.  They are probably just like you.  Go look in the mirror. YOU are that parent. 

It is my greatest hope that parents everywhere learn about perfect parentitis and seek immediate treatment.  It is my hope that you share the news about this epidemic viral illness with parents you know, so we can together, educate and safe lives.  Perhaps we will turn the treatment into a new cure. A cure where no child ever has to suffer injury or death because of their parent's inability or unwillingness to change for their greater good.  

The change begins with you.