They seem to go together, don't they?
The bigger question is why is it so flipping hard for people to be honest and truthful? Not only to others but more importantly, to themselves? So many of us simply don't want to see, hear or acknowledge the truth about certain things in our lives. We make stuff up. We omit information (so as not to actually lie to someone). We outright lie. We embellish to make things sound better, or more likely, to make ourselves look better.
Why? Why is it so hard to be truthful?
I propose it's because we want to be part of the crowd. We want to be liked and loved. We want to be popular. We want to be normal, whatever that is. We want to stay nicely hidden in the middle of the herd. We feel safe and protected there. We don't want to stand out as different. We don't want to take a chance that we might upset someone or lose friends, co-workers or family if we admit how we really feel or who we really are.
The problem is that then we lose sight of who we really are. We get complacent. We 'settle'. When we settle for less than what we truly want, it almost certainly will bite us in the ass later in life. A prime example: how many couples do you know who 'settled' for their current spouse of life partner? How many are unhappy in their relationships? How many are having physical or emotional affairs as a result, without the knowledge of their partner? How many have been 'caught' and sworn to never do it again, and yet, are doing it again? I know of a few personally in this situation right now. How many know they are unhappy but don't actually have the conversation about why they are unhappy and explore how to fix it with their partner? What about those who are unhappy in their jobs but feel obligated to their employer, co-workers, other benefits of the job or simply make it about money despite being unhappy?
How many people acknowledge the unhappiness in their lives but claim to be unable to do anything about it? Excuses like "it's better for the kids", it's too difficult to change life circumstances now or financial reasons, while certainly important considerations, are excuses plain and simple. Where there is a will, there is a way.
Humans seem to be conflict averse, especially 1:1 and with those we have the most intimate relationships with. We think we're so smart, that we already know what that other person thinks, will say or will do, so we act as if they already have. We are really, really good at making it about someone else instead of about us. We think we can make them comply with our wishes and then let the wool be pulled over our eyes because it's easier than acknowledging and dealing with the truth of the circumstances.
Guess what? It's ALL about us. YOU are a primary player in every single circumstance of your life. In fact, you are the only constant! Nothing happens in a vacuum. You are the master of your destiny. You are your own sherpa along your personal path. The baggage you take along and accumulate is your choice, your burden and yours alone. Those you choose to take along with you and encounter along the way all have lessons and messages for you. It's OK if they aren't with you for the entire journey.
One of the hardest things to do is to discover your truth. Meaning, what do YOU believe? What are your core beliefs? What is your gospel? What is important to you physically, spiritually, emotionally and even sexually? Once you discover it, embrace it. Honor the beautiful person you are, just the way you are. Who the hell cares if no one else gets it? If you spend your whole life living to be what someone else wants you to be, you will regret it on your death bed. Why wait until then?
Once you've discovered your truth and embraced it it's time to own it, speak it and live it. This is not an easy transition for most. They do say nothing comes easy. It is incredibly freeing and brings tremendous peace and abundance into the lives of those who have the desire to live a life of truth. True to who they really are.
You might enjoy reading the Celestine Prophecy. Or, as I've mentioned before, my beloved Siddhartha, in your quest to be true to your soul and your purpose here on earth.
Truth: sincerity in action, character and utterance or a transcendent fundamental or spiritual reality (Merriam Webster)
Start small if you must. Be totally honest in everything you say and do to everyone today. Then try it for two days in a row, then a week. Write down who you need to be honest with and about what. Then, do it. The truth will set you free. It really will.