Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Musings from 26,000 feet

I am sitting on a plane.  Window seat!  I am heading to Florida.  I wish it were for a vacation, but it's really not...

It began with leaving the house late, but at 4:44 am, witnessing a pretty spectacular sunrise (there are benefits to getting up at 4 am) and with a compliment from  a TSA agent on my choice of sweater.  :-)

Can I just say I love Southwest Airlines?  Wonderful customer service, great prices, love their boarding system.  As I sat in a comfy large faux leather chair waiting for my boarding group to be called I was witness to the wonder of Disney.  A family was in line in the "A" group.  A mom, dad and two children, a boy and girl who looked to be about 5 and 7.  Mom reached into her carry on bag and handed them each a bag and told them to look inside.  They pulled out Mickey ears with their names embroidered on the back.  Their eyes were like saucers and it was clear it was not until that very moment they knew they were going to Disney for vacation!  It was magical to witness.  Made me smile and almost cry witnessing their joy.

I got a window seat (a requirement for me to manage my claustrophobia), row 7, despite my B14 boarding position.  I sat with a couple whose children were seated in front and behind them with the children of family members they were traveling with.  The mom and I chatted easily for a while.  About Disney, parenting and other idle chatter.  I enjoyed my cookies and apple juice for breakfast!

In other news, I got to read!  For pleasure!  A few magazines and I finished a book!  I 'threw' a Celtic Cross reading on my tablet that was eerily accurate, in a good way.  Now, I write.

As I gaze out the window, I marvel at the beauty below me.  Flying above and through the clouds is always fascinating to me.  The technology that allows for us to actually fly is impressive, at least to me.  My thoughts drift...

I think about my first plane ride to Orlando, I was probably about 7 years old and it was to go to Disney.  I think about my son, who wasn't feeling well yesterday and how I wish I was there to keep my mama eyes on him.  I think about my wonderful husband who is being super step-dad the next few days, wearing my shoes, so I can take these few days to be with my family.  I am grateful for so many things.

And then, my thoughts turn to the reason I am on this plane.

It's nod to my intuition.  One of those intuitive 'hits' that makes me say 'me and my freaking intuitive gifts...'  I booked this trip about 12 days ago, in one of those I just woke up and knew I had to sort of ways.  I'd been toying with the idea of coming down to see my grandmother.  She was recently diagnosed with cancer and admitted to hospice care about 3 weeks ago.  I had a lovely conversation with her by phone a few weeks ago.  She said she was looking forward to seeing me in June.  My gut said she would not be on this earth in June.  I asked my family if they thought I should come or if she or they wanted me to.  They all said no.  I dismissed it.  After all, it wouldn't be easy to plan a trip on such short notice.  The logistics of work time off, soccer, school, life...

Then, that voice in my head said very loudly, "May, May, May..."  Suddenly, there I was on Southwest's Web site, booking a flight for today.  Knowing the Universe would support me in me being where I needed to be when I needed to be there.  And so it is.

Then, the reports came in over the past few days, she is doing worse.  Having more trouble breathing, sleeping more, eating less, getting confused.  She needed more and more medicine and now, suddenly, the liquid morphine.  She is more comfortable with it, but less alert.  She had the proverbial 'really good day' several days ago when she took her 3 children out for dinner at a restaurant.  Since then, she's declined rapidly.

I wonder why I'm really here today.  I was guided to come today, for the next 4 days, for a reason.  What is it?  Is it that she will be having another really good day for us to enjoy together?  Although that was my initial intent, to see her before she declined to the point where she was sleeping all the time, I don't think so.  Is it to try to share in her intermittent awake moments and try to humor her?  Maybe.  God knows I will try!  Is it to support my mom, dad and aunt?  Most definitely.  Is it to facilitate that which she needs in order for her to feel comfortable transitioning when she is ready?  I think so.  Is it to be there when she dies?  Quite possibly, although I'm not sure she's that close or wants me there.  Time will tell...

*ding*  *ding*  *ding*  Descent time.  With that, I shall end these musings and power down.

Thanks for listening.

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